Reborn's Adventures in Hibirland
by ShamelessDilettante
Summary: Why one should never /ever/ steal Byakuran's marshmallows and eat them. Ever. One-shot. Contains boyxboy, but not explicit. Rated M for a reason. Pure CRACK. 27R27


**NOTE: The characters are all 10YL characters and Arcobaleno are adults unless otherwise stated.**

**Warnings: Scantily clad men, sexual innuendos, tons of OOCness (especially Tsuna), drug references, swearing, horrid cross dressing (?) and crass humour, possible scarring.**

**Main pairing: 27R27**

Implied Pairings: XS, RS, 27Leon, 27R27, Dae69Dae, 6996, Dae96, 27L27, CoLal, 8059, 2759, F27, F18, 1827, 18Hibird, FHibird

**Disclaimer**: I don't own KHR nor Alice in Wonderland and any other mentioned works by other people. If I did… well, just read this.

**A/N** This thing's been plaguing my mind and not letting me sleep, so I ended up writing it all. You may question my sanity after reading this.

If you _do_ get the courage to read this though, especially after all those warnings and implied (some more than others) pairings, please enjoy and I hope you like it.

EDIT: A few more corrections and a mini omake added at the end. That is all.

**Reborn's Adventures in Hibirland**

Reborn woke to a calm breeze ruffling his hair and to the smell of freshly mown grass. Blinking, he sat up wondering when he'd fallen asleep because the greatest hitman did not just fall asleep- and with his eyes closed at that! He glanced around recognising the garden in which he was situated to be one of Vongola's.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm the greatest stuntman and I'm-!

BANG!

The panicked annoyingly obnoxious voice that Reborn easily recognised to be his lackey's was abruptly cut off as Reborn fired. Letting Leon turn back into a lizard, he then peered at the quivering purple mess that had ducked to dodge the shot, wondering why the _hell_ Skull was here of all places and was that a purple suit he was wearing?

The hitman lifted one of his eyebrows a fifth of a millimetre in incredulity, his keen eyes taking in the old fashioned three piece suit complete with tailcoats, ruffles and even the handkerchief tucked neatly into the breast pocket and travelled up the helmet on the other's head, eyebrow lifting another fifth. There, melded on top of the head gear was a pair of what looked like rabbit ears made of the same material as the helmet and for all intents and purposes looked like they belonged there.

Usually he wouldn't take long to asses a person's outer appearance, but the sheer ridiculousness of his lackey's warranted an extra second to the usual nano-second. Giving Skull the chance to "eep" and then dash away in a purple blur to a rather large hole at the base of a tree.

Wondering over to the hole, Reborn wondered whose fault it was this time that there was another crater in the ground and contemplated informing his student about it. Deciding not to (because if there was one thing among the many others his student gained from his tutelage it was his sadistic streak, that oft appeared when his student finally lost patience with someone. He had yet to decide whether or not this was a good thing after last time's incident involving Mukuro and Hibari, a tank full of electric eels and a leotard.)

He looked critically through the crater, wondering where it ended since all he could see was an endless black. Why did his lackey jump into the crater? He was claiming to be late to something, another stunt? With that getup? He didn't get an opportunity to think about it any longer as he was bowled over by a charging Gyudon and into the ridiculously large hole, why he didn't notice the giant Beef Bowl charging for him he would think about later.

The hitman stood in a vertical position, arms folded, one leg straight, the other bent across it slightly, looking for all the world like he was relaxing against a wall. If only the whooshing air that was messing with his sideburns would stop. He vaguely wondered if he would keep falling forever just as the end came into view.

With all the skill of the Greatest Hitman, he landed in a crouch (reminiscent of the greatest ninja) before pivoting off the giant marshmallow like a spring and landing on the dirt floor. Being who he is he was quick to take in his surroundings -lots of suspicious food floating in the air, lighting seems to come from nowhere, a strange purple nebula to the far right- and came to a conclusion:

He should never _ever_ steal Byakuran's marshmallows and eat them just to spite him, next time he would give them to his student's pet electric eels.

Having deemed that this was all a vision produced by white fluffy hallucinogens. He wondered what he should do now.

"Reborn, darling~"

Reborn blinked as he recognised that voice, "Bianchi?"

"Yes it's me, Honey~" Reborn turned as he caught something moving in his peripheral vision and took note that the purple nebula had floated closer, a vague rendition of his fourth lover appearing in the haze.

"Honey, to get through the door you need to eat."

The haze broke up as the last word left her mouth, dispersing into nothingness and leaving only a faint whiff of poison cooking.

Reborn was dubious of stuffing any more suspicious food into his mouth, no matter how much they looked like the most appetizing desserts human eyes have ever seen. He was sure his student would have a field day in here with all the sweets.

Glancing at the door, (when had that gotten there?) he noted that it was the size of his nose, and then blinked at the jar of oversized marshmallows with the label, 'Eat me to get biiig~ ^^' complete with creepy Byakuran smiley face, that floated near him. Next to it another tinnier jar, this time containing gummy Hibirds, floated with a tag (in the smallest font possible, which Reborn could still read with the light from Nowhere) 'Herbivore! Herbivore! Small! Small!'

The hitman judged the suspicious substances to be useful for later and so pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and stuffed the jars, one bigger than him and the other smaller than his toe nail, into it. Luckily his wallet was made from Lambo's old afro, which meant the properties of space laws did not apply to it.

After that he took hold of Leon, transforming him into his trusty gun and fired a Chaos Shot at the wall in which the door was situated. Easily creating a large enough hole through which he stepped through, brushing non-existent debris off his suit.

At this point Reborn had adopted a 'to hell with it' attitude and vowed to kill the Marshmallow Addict later.

Walking down the path toward a forest, he registered the pink and green leopard print grass and wondered if a certain Varia member had also messed with his head. The canopy of trees of black feathers provided shade from the glaring sun (which Reborn would admit that he was relieved was yellow, now if only there weren't two of them).

"VOOOOIIIIIIIIIIII! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"

Reborn turned to one of the murderous auras that he had sensed from a mile away (why else would he head into the forest?) And decided to overlook the fact the other was dressed in some flowing white dress (or was it a robe?) that flicked out permanently at the back. Tipping his hat he greeted, "Squalo."

"VOI! WHO THE FUCK'S SQUALO?! THE NAME'S SQUALY!"

Reborn coughed, turning his head to the side as he choked out, "'Squaly?'"

"FUCK YES! I'M AN ARUM LILY! SEE!?"

And he did see; 'Squaly' gave him a great view of smooth muscled pale legs as he stood on his head. The dress sprung out in the shape of a lily.

"I see." Reborn deadpanned, wondering if 'Squaly's' legs really looked that great or if this was all a product of Byakuran's marshmallows.

"TRASH! Who the fuck is this scum you're wasting time on!?" That gravely voice could only belong to one Varia member. "And who said you could show your legs to anyone else!"

This time Reborn couldn't help but stare. Xanxus had on a pair of studded boots, knee-high, the rest of his thighs covered in fishnet, a pair of tight shorts that left little to the imagination, nothing at his midriff and a sleeveless jacket with huge collars that stuck up to surround his scarred head in what vaguely resembled petals. All of it was black.

"So, do you have to stand on your head to show me what you are?"

Xanxus' scars started spreading across his face as the glare he directed at the hitman intensified. Reborn was unfazed.

"SCUM! Who the fuck do you think you are?! This is _my_ forest!"

"Oh, Xanrose-sama~"

"Boss."

"Ushishishi~"

"Ahh, is Captain-chan servicing Xanrose-san now? We'll come back later."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU TRASHES WANT?!"

"Mou~ Xanrose-sama~ you should stop fighting the Queen for more darkness, we need the light to grow you know~?"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT?! DAMMIT-! THAT SCUM GOT AWAY!"

Reborn had had enough, after seeing the other members dressed (Levi as a sunflower, Belphegor as what he guessed would be a yellow mountain cornflower if the man stood on his head, Fran as an apple (which is surprisingly normal) and Lussuria as -something) he was sure he'd never be able to look at any of them the same again. Except maybe Lussuria. And Fran.

Reborn was wondering if he should start questioning his subconscious, even if this was due to the marshmallows, didn't things that happen in your head come from yourself? Unless, of course you were trapped in an illusion. 'When this is over, we are having Pineapple granita for dessert.'

He shifted his position as he felt the presence of another person near him.

"Do you want to get out?" That smooth tenor was easily recognisable for the hitman. But by this point the hitman wasn't sure if he was dreading to see what the other was dressed like or expectant.

"Hmmm~?" This time the voice was much closer. The hitman turned. And stared.

His student was lounging on a purple branch of a tree that had leaves that looked made of glitter, neon orange glitter. Orange ears with golden tufts stuck out of his head, a tail flickered lazily in the air, an orange and gold striped feathered boa rested across slim shoulders, loose socks, fingerless arm warmers, shorts and a ripped tank top in the same striped theme completed the outfit. The only thing that didn't fit was the black leather collar around his neck. Honey brown eyes with vertical pupils gazed at him slyly.

"How do I get out, Dame-Tsuna?"

The hitman's eyes widened a little as the brunet disappeared. Only to feel the presence directly behind him.

"That's easy~" the voice purred into his ear, he resisted the urge to shudder. He could feel warm hands on his back as the brunet tiptoed. "You just have to beat the Queen~" there was a sharp sting as the brunet nipped his ear. He had Leon in gun form, pointed at his student's head in an instant. Cupping his free hand to his ear, he pulled it away to reveal several drops of blood.

He glared at his student, who just smiled and reached forward slowly to touch the green muzzle, before giving the tip a lick. Leon jerked in his hand before turning back into a lizard, yellow eyes blinked at the brunet before sticking out his tongue to lick the brunet's lips, to which the brunet gave a toothy grin and promptly disappeared. No, that wasn't right. Reborn could still see that grin.

The grin in the air moved, "Remember, defeat the Queen."

"And where are you off to?"

"Back to my master~!"

Now Reborn pondered the benefits or strangling his trusty partner for sharing a kiss with the brunet or hunting down the feline brunet's 'master'.

KHRKHRKHRKHR

Reborn grumbled to himself, the brunet could have left directions; even the Greatest Hitman couldn't navigate a world that made as much sense as a high Lambo. And he refused to go back to try and pry directions from 'Xanrose'.

It was currently dusk afternoon, one of the suns was in the process of setting; casting an orange hue over everything, the other was still high in the sky. He was now walking down a path that looked like a stream; there were even fish swimming under his feet. Yet the 'stream' felt smooth and solid as concrete. He scowled as he stepped to the side to avoid a salmon flinging itself out of the path/stream; evidently for the fish the path wasn't solid, and watched as something long and furred with badger teeth caught the fish and flew away.

"EXTREMEEEE HOPPING!"

He turned to see Ryohei dressed in a neon green... body bag? There was what looked to be antennae poking out the top and a green moustache sat on his face.

"Why are you..." Perhaps he should stop questioning people's state of dress in this place. He could now really appreciate Sawada Nana's ability to take anything and everything in stride and dearly wished that he had such an ability. Not that he couldn't take crazy, but the Vongola were tame compared to this -whatever this was- and that's saying something. "...hopping?" There, that was a nice sane question.

Ryohei paused his erratic hopping to grin at the raven haired man. "Her EXTREME Highness said my ankles are too thin! So hopping to the EXTREME lets me build muscle there! And I don't have ankles to the EXTREMEEE!" and promptly started bouncing on the spot. "Besides, this is way faster than wriggling to the EXTREME!"

Reborn watched as the man hopped away and decided that he shouldn't think for a while, yes that sounded like a great plan. The Greatest Hitman should easily be able to function without needing to think anyway.

KHRKHRKHRKHR

Mukuro, Chrome and Daemon spade stood in his path, which had turned into ice awhile back and he had put his shoes on the 'skate' function in order to glide easily, paying no mind to the penguins skating past him, uphill, dressed in those frog hats that Fran usually wore.

Two of the fruit heads were chuckling creepily, the other just gazing at him curiously. For the sake of observation; they were dressed in magical girl outfits, complete with short flowing skirt, white thigh high tights and Mary Janes. Chrome, of course, was adorable but the males... Well, he supposed now he knew how round Daemon's arse was he could add it to the history archive in Vongola. But he would do that later; when he decided to think again.

"Nufufufu, who have we here?"

"Kufufufu, a stranger? How unusual."

He quirked en eyebrow, "So you know everyone here?"

"Nufufufu, of course."

"Who are you trying to be anyway?"

"Nufufufu/Kufufufu Why, the greatest twin magicians of all of Hibirland." Both males stated at the same time, sending a glare at each other.

"There are more than two of you."

"Nufufufu/Kufufufu...Not including this bastard/pedophile."

"Nufufufu, who are you calling a paedophile?"

"Kufufufu, who's the one who molested my dear Chrome?"

"Nufufufufufufufu, she's the same age as us."

"Kufufufufufufufufufufufu, No she isn't."

"Nufufufufufufufufufufufufufu fucfu, we're triplets, of course she is."

"kufufufufufufufufufufufufufu fufufucfu, whatever do you mean by that? Only Chrome and I are twins, not you."

Before either of them could delve any further into the argument and extend their 'Kufufufu' and 'Nufufufu's any more. The butt of a green gun met Melon-head's temple and a trident with 'Fruit Terminator' inscribed on the side descended on Pineapple-head's pineapple.

'Looks like dessert had come early.'

"How do you feel about pineapple and melon granita?"

"It sounds refreshing."

Chrome summoned up a beachside and they settled down to consume their iced beverages to the cool ocean breeze, and the sound of lapping waves. (These were normal coloured, Reborn absent-mindedly noted, but he was still not thinking.)

It wasn't until a while later that the two felt something shift under them, as well as a groan.

"K-kufufufu...C-chrome, w-what is this?"

"I think it's called '69' Mukuro-sama."

"Nufufu...How could my sweet innocent Chrome-chan do this to me?"

"Just be glad you aren't nude." Reborn stated, dryly.

As they finished the iced beverages to the calming sounds of waves and groans from the two men they were seated on, Reborn's brain re-started and he decided to ask a question.

"Where would I find the Queen?"

His female companion smiled brightly, and he swore there were sparkles around her (she is a magical girl) as she faded. "Easy, just follow the red moon..."

And the three disappeared in a haze of mist and sparkles. The last words; "Thanks for the granita," lingering in the air.

Reborn turned, wondering where the 'Red moon' was and found it quite easily; there, opposite the side of the setting sun, was a large piece of red Swiss cheese in the sky. With enough holes to put a town destroyed by all of his student's guardians to shame.

His sharp eyes registered something in one of the holes, 'is that-?' He narrowed his eyes. Yes, it was indeed his student lounging in a red hole, waving lazily at him. Despite the distance, the hitman's trained eyes could still read the other's lips.

'Defeat the queen.'

And, as was becoming usual, he disappeared.

Reborn scowled, 'Tch, just because you're my Boss doesn't mean you can order me around.' Looks like its tuna for dinner.

KHRKHRKHRKHR

Still following the red mo- cheese, he was now walking leisurely on a path of rainbow crocodiles. Making sure to stomp on the ones that snapped at him. The previously ridiculous trees were exchanged for even more ridiculous wood carved statues, many of which had holes that Reborn easily recognised as bullet holes.

"Ow ow ow oww!"

Oh Reborn knew that voice, a smirk made its way onto his face, even better; the voice was in pain.

Walking around a sculpture of an obese electric eel missing its head, he made his way into a clearing. In the centre stood a large oak table, one half of it covered in bubbling concoctions and glass equipment; flasks, beakers and so on. The other half was littered with energy drinks, ammunition and firearms. Right at the end of the table was a large teapot with a frog handle at the top.

Two people were on the artillery side; one being restrained on top of some guns and getting the life slapped out of him, the slapper was straddled across his waist, yelling angrily. Both of them adorned ludicrous tophats, and wore patchwork formal suits, similar to Skull's from long ago, except less formal and primp.

"How many times do I have to tell you! It's training time!"

"B-but Lal! We just trained!"

"You stupid student, look at the watch! It's still training time!"

"Technically, according to the time on the watch face and the Old European schedule, it's teatime."

The voice came from Verde on the other side of the table, the hitman blinked, there were a pair of long, floppy rabbit ears coming out of the scientist's head, and he too adorned a patchwork, three-piece suit with a lab coat draped on top.

Brushing an ear away and tucking it behind his ear (only to flop back) he stated without looking up, "and we have a guest."

This stopped the arguing duo, both looking up at Reborn before blushing furiously and getting off the table, straightening their attire as they did so.

"Ahem, greetings Mr. Fedora-wearer, would you like to join us for training?" Coughed Lal. Now that the hitman could see them fully he realised one of the patches on Lal's tophat had the words 'Spartan Hatter' inscribed on it, while Colonello's had 'Stupid Hatter'.

"Lal, I keep telling you it's not training time!"

And the two fell into another couple's spat, as Reborn took a seat to watch in amusement.

"You two should really get a room and stop rattling the table; I'm trying to mix a delicate combination of chemicals here."

As the two fired off shots simultaneously with a, "Shut up, March Verde!" Reborn quickly jumped out of his seat with the ease of the Greatest Hitman imitating the Greatest Gymnast, smirking in amusement as the bullets hit the chemical the green haired man was holding. There was a fizzle as the purple liquid dropped into an orange flask then an explosion that rocked the sculpture-forest.

When the smoke had cleared, it revealed three soot covered people, a destroyed table and a floating teapot. The hitman resisted the urge to laugh aloud at the three in favour of gazing at the uroboros floating atop the teapot and watched as the lid cracked open and Mammon's head (in baby form) popped out. He wore an indigo beanie with mouse ears.

"Hey Mammon!" Colonello greeted, his grin stood out on his soot covered face. "Think we can borrow money to pay for another table?"

"I'll charge you 50% interest."

"Cool, ok."

"NO, YOU IDIOT STUDENT!"

And thus the process repeated itself as Verde stood there, still frozen from the shock of losing all his research.

Reborn decided it was best ignore all of them and approached Mammon, since he's one of the best information sources.

"Tell me how to get to the Queen and I'll give you nude pictures of her later so you can sell them."

"Deal. Just go down that path and follow the baby."

KHRKHRKHRKHR

Upon reaching the end of the path, he found himself in front of a grand house of old Victorian architecture, surrounded on all sides by trees with golden trunks and a wispy canopy that looked like clouds. Stepping onto the porch he reached up to begin knocking only to jerk out of the way as a flying pan splintered the door and flew out.

He watched as the frying pan smashed into the gold tree and swore he heard an 'Ow' from somewhere in the white canopy. The frying pan stood on its handle, 'hmphed' and started hopping away only for a silver blur to fly out of the destroyed doorway and be grabbed.

"You fucked up frying pan! As if you're going to escape that easily!"

Reborn's only thought this time was; 'At least he's not wearing a skirt.'

Gokudera was dressed as a chef; white apron with the word 'COMBUSTABLE' in big dynamite letters, white dress shirt, black slacks. It looked pretty normal except for the billowing chef's hat that seemed to have a mind of its own.

The hat turned to him, a vague formation if a grinning face appearing in the folds. The hitman's eyes narrowed. That's it! The thing just sneered at him. The loud gunshot echoed among the cloud topped trees.

The silver haired bomber was quick to turn around and scowl while the chef's hat grinned gleefully, a bullet held within its folds.

"Who the fuck are you? You're just asking to be blown up, aren't you?!" Growled the bomber as he took two dynamites off the 'U' on his apron; creating 'COMBuSTIBLE'. Reborn blinked to find that the 'u' had turned back into a 'U'.

"Gokudera-shi." Came a lazy voice, "Don't blow up my lawn please, the Queen's already on my case for eating the leaves last time."

The bomber stomped back to the door to yell, "You stupid cow! Why the fuck did you eat the leaves in the first place?!"

"Because you're the cook who can't cook anything that wont explode, besides they tasted like fairy floss."

"I'm an EXPLOSIVE CHEF! You're the one who hired me!"

"I was actually asking for a chef that 'could cook an explosion of flavours'". Was a muttered reply.

"What was that, you fucked up cow?!"

Reborn had decided to follow the Bomber into the house to find himself in a living room, the owner of the lazy voice was lounging on a plush sofa. He twitched, Tsuna was straddling said owner of the voice, his tail swishing from side to side.

"Who are you supposed to be?" Reborn's voice, laced with killer intent, stopped the conversation short.

"Me? Why I'm the great Duchess Lambo!"

Lambo was dressed in a formal suit with his usual cow print shirt. On his head sat a bulbous cow print bow.

"You're a guy."

"Am I?"

Tsuna chuckled and wriggled a little before stating, "Master, you're all hard so yes, you are a guy."

Reborn had had enough; he stalked over to the cow, lifted Tsuna by his collar and pointed Leon directly at the centre of his forehead watching in satisfaction as the cow cowered in his seat. He let loose with his killing intent, worthy of the Greatest Hitman, as he grumbled, "so you're Tsuna's 'master'."

Lambo peeked fearfully out of his arms, "Y-you want Tsuna?! You can have him! Just don't shoot me!"

Reborn narrowed his eyes in suspicion, 'was he serious?'

Lambo caught the doubtful look and quickly reassured him. "Y-you can take him! He's always causing trouble by riling up the Queen anyway!"

Tsuna, still hanging by his collar, blinked as he tilted his head, "I have a new master now?"

They were interrupted as an explosion rocked the house and the sound of a baby crying rang out:

"Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Or not. The hitman turned to the door from which the laugh was emanating from while Lambo paled and turned to Gokudera, "What did you give the baby, Bakadera!"

"What?! You told me to give him some food!"

"Not your _own_ cooking, you should have given him a cookie from the jar!"

"I'm a fucking cook! If you ask for food, I make it!"

"Gah! Now he's never going to stop laughing!"

As the screaming match ensued, Tsuna disappeared from Reborn's grip. The hitman could sense the brunet on the other side of the door and the laugh was getting closer. The door opened revealing the brunet cooing at a bundle in his arms, his tail waving playfully on top of the laughing bundle, small chubby hands reaching out to trying to catch the errant appendage.

Reborn walked over to take a look over the feline brunet's shoulder, to see a familiar pair of laughing brown eyes on a cherubic face. 'Yamamoto?'

Tsuna put the bundle down in a basket that rested on the low coffee table before sauntering over to the still arguing duo, who had by now resorted to head locking each other and shoving dynamites/grenades into each others mouth. Taking a deep breath he delivered a sharp smack to both their asses bringing them back to reality, spitting the explosives out of the conveniently placed window as they did so.

Lambo acted like it was normal, just rubbing his behind a bit while Gokudera blushed bright red as he stuttered, "J-Juudaime, p-please stop touching my arse!"

"No can do, Goku-chan, you're too cute!"

"Ahahaha~"

"See? Takeshi-chan agrees!"

"He's a baby!" Cried the bomber as he stalked up to the basket and glared at the infant Takeshi.

"Yare yare, Gokudera-shi, you need to loosen up."

The bomber turned his head to send a murderous glare to the Cow, who quickly ducked behind Tsuna. "Stupid cow! How dare you use Juudaime as a shi-EEKK!

The bomber collapsed on the floor clutching his family jewels, as the cow let out a peal of obnoxious laughter and Tsuna started to chuckle. Reborn just raised an eyebrow.

The bomber stood up shakily to point at the baby, "Y-you-! Ball-Freak! How dare you grab me like that!

"Ahahaha~."

"I'll show you!" The bomber's expression darkened as he whipped out dynamite from the 'C' and 'U' of his apron.

As he was doing this, Tsuna had disappeared to reappear beside Reborn and reached behind to grope his arse. The hitman twitched and turned to glare at the brunet and the feline stuck out his tongue in response. Giving a pat to Leon on the hitman's shoulder, he faded away again.

Only to reappear beside the irate bomber just as he was about to throw the dynamite and throw something large, white and spongy at the baby. The thing protected the baby from the blast and Reborn realised belatedly, after seeing the remains of the nicely toasted white thing that it was a marshmallow from the jar he'd taken.

Lambo blinked one lazy eye, "What is that?"

There was a *poof* of white smoke. Which cleared to reveal a grown up Yamamoto, all two meters of him in his nude glory, the only thing covering him was the blanket in his lap.

Gokudera promptly fainted from blood loss while Tsuna stepped forward to crouch in front of the naked man and peer at him curiously. The brunet was then bowled over as the tall man tackled him and grabbed a hold of his tail.

"Ahahaha, I finally caught it!"

KHRKHRKHRKHR

"So... Why am I leading again?" Yamamoto was leading the group through a forest, where for once everything looked normal; the colours, the trees, there was even only one sun! Though the red cheese was still there. The only issue? They were walking on the sky. Reborn glowered as he pushed some leaves aside, if they had to walk in an upside down world couldn't whatever they were walking on have been placed higher (or in this case, lower) so that the trees wouldn't get in the way?

Not to mention that the others walked on as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Stupid ball-freak! It's because Juudaime said that we should help Mr. Shady Fedora Wearer get to the Queen!"

Reborn twitched, why couldn't they call his name properly? Although he hadn't told them his name yet... 'But they should know it'.

Tsuna was loping along beside him, shifting to the side to avoid the odd bird or anaconda that passed by. Lambo had been left behind, grumbling something about eating more trees.

"Maa maa, Goku-chan! No need to be so uptight, do you want me to help you loosen up?"

The bomber could only splutter in response.

"Besides, I don't know this Queen person, how would I lead you to her?"

"It in your blood Takeshi-chan, you're distantly related after all~" This came from the brunet who had disappeared, only his grin could be seen.

"I think we've arrived."

Reborn noticed that they had emerged from the forest into a posh garden of an Asiatic setting, paper cranes and butterflies fluttering about. Right in front of them stood an emperor's castle full of grey slanted tiled roofs, stone walls and tall spires poking out here and there; all in all it was immense. And purple.

While Yamamoto and Gokudera were still gaping at the sheer size of the castle, the hitman turned his head in the direction from which he could hear cheeping. And promptly raised an eyebrow in incredulity.

There, in the gardens near a pond, a male and female stood surrounded on all sides by white fluff balls that cheeped. Both were armed with paint brushes dripping with yellow paint. They were dressed in traditional Chinese robes, the only unusual thing was the familiar yellow bird tattooed on their right cheeks. The hitman continued to observe as the male whipped out the brush with practised ease, quickly coating one fluff ball before moving onto the next, the female did the same, not as smoothly as the male but skilled all the same.

He blinked as something large and orange pounced on the man, and the fluff balls scattered erratically, cheeping all the while. 'When did Tsuna get there?'

"T-Tsuna-san! Please stop!" The hitman froze, he was sure the man was Fon but what is with that breathless voice? Fon would never be dominated so easily.

The girl, I-pin was looking on worriedly but made no motion to stop the wrestling duo. Fon was laughing for some reason and Tsuna himself was cackling gleefully. Those cackles suddenly changed to giggles as Fon rolled them over, and changed back when the brunet got on top.

'What. The. Hell.'

By the time the hitman got there, both men were on the ground and panting as if they'd run a Vongola style marathon, or done something else entirely.

"Tsuna-san, you really must stop initiating these tickle fests. Especially when I'm busy."

Reborn's brow twitched.

The brunet chuckled in response, "Can't help it, you're so ticklish even with all your crazy martial arts skills."

"You are ticklish too, even more so than me."

The brunet grinned, "more fun for me~", he sang.

The martial artist turned his gaze to the hitman, smiling in curiosity. "Who's this?"

"Ah, that's my new master~" The reply was somewhat inattentive, the hitman turned to see the brunet covered in white fluff balls. Tsuna had a paint brush in hand, drawing a smiley face on the little bird's head before letting go and grabbing another.

There was paint on his cheek and nose most likely due to the 'tickle-fest'. The brunet, noticing his stare, swiped the back of his hand across his cheek and licked the paint off. Blinking he asked, "why are you painting with marmalade?"

I-pin was the one to reply, "It's safer than real paint."

"I'll bite you crowding herbivores to death!"

Fon and I-pin were quick to stand and bow, "Your Highness."

Tsuna just grinned cheekily from where he was sitting on the ground. "Yo. Highness. You really did a number of Goku-chan and Takeshi-chan over there."

Reborn could see 'Highness' resisting the urge to blush at the scene of the orange feline playing with little white birds. His eyes narrowed hazardously.

And indeed, the two were unconscious; Gokudera piled over Yamamoto. The paper cranes were already circling for the new meal.

Reborn turned to face the 'Queen' if the form of address was anything to go by. The _man _was dressed in a flowing yukata, a Hibird hair pin with smaller Hibirds hanging off it on delicate chains clipped to his hair. He was also bearing a pair of signature tonfa menacingly.

"Herbivore! Herbivore! Hibari! Hibari!"

Hibird flew into the scene -the real one, not a marmalade coated one- circling Hibari's head once before flying to Fon and landing on his head. Snuggling into into the soft black locks. All of a sudden the killing intent peaked, and the hitman could see something akin to jealousy flash through those narrowed ice blue orbs of the skylark.

_"I will bite you to death!"_

And all of a sudden the garden turned into a war-zone while I-pin shouted desperately, "Your Highness! You mustn't attack the His Majesty like that! He's your husband!"

"Husband or not, he's got Hibird!" Was the growled reply.

Fon was trying his best to placate his 'wife', "Now now Your Highness, I can't help it if Hibird lands on me." To no avail as Hibari kept attacking, and the gardens were getting desecrated. The paper cranes that had started feasting on Yamamoto and Gokudera had left under the barrage of violence.

The hitman turned to the brunet, who had ignored everything and was finishing a rather detailed image of the hitman's face on the base of a white fluffy bird. The brunet turned to the hitman and tilted his head in curiosity; the tail was swaying slowly as there was a bird perched there with 'R27 4 EVA' inscribed on it.

"Yes?"

"You were the one who kept telling me to defeat the Queen."

"Oh, yeah!" Exclaimed the brunet, placing a fist in his palm. He then turned to the fighting couple.

"Hey, you two can fight later in your bedroom! Hibari! You've got a challenger!"

Everybody froze at those words as Reborn wondered what he was challenging the skylark to.

The skylark's eyebrow twitched at the lack of title and disrespect but he would overlook it this time in favour of a challenge. A dark smirk trailed across his features as his eyes glinted in anticipation.

"Oh, and who would that be, Tsunayoshi?"

"My master~!" Tsuna pointed to the hitman as he stood up, the bird with the inscription had perched on his fluffy hair.

Hibari looked the hitman up and down analysing the man as Reborn returned it with a cool stare, the 'Queen' then nodded with approval.

"Very well, this should be worth my while, what will you be using, herbivore?"

Reborn blinked, "What?" He turned to his student.

Tsuna just smirked. "You'll be playing the game called 'Roll'. All you have to do is roll the longest! Then you can get out of here."

Reborn blinked again, he'd almost forgotten the objective in all this insanity; perhaps he was turning insane too? Not that he would ever admit to losing his focus, he had a reputation to keep thank you very much.

"Just so you know, herbivore, I am unbeatable."

Reborn smirked, he loved a challenge. Reaching down he turned on the rollerblade function on his Italian leather shoes, wheels came out of the soles immediately. As he was doing this he felt his arse being groped again and whipped around to glare at the offender. Tsuna stood behind him with an innocent smile on his face, holding out a giant marshmallow.

"This'll make you cross distances much faster!"

"Wouldn't that amount to cheating?"

"Nope, there's no other rule than to roll the longest, besides, don't you want to get out of here?"

As Reborn contemplated the benefits of consuming the very substance that was the most likely cause of his current dilemma, Tsuna stuck the oversized confection on a tree branch and held it out. Gokudera (who, along with Yamamoto, had regained consciousness with only a few crane bites) threw a dynamite from the 'M' on his apron and the marshmallow came out perfectly toasted.

The stick was handed to the hitman who consumed it while still deep in thought, and didn't realise until he had eaten the whole thing until:

*Poof*

"Wao."

"Holy fuck! He's HUGE!"

"Ahaha, yeah and he looks pretty hard too."

"We're not talking about his dick, Ball-Freak!"

Tsuna licked his lips, "Yummy."

Yamamoto stared at him for a moment in confusion. "Aren't you the pet?"

"So?"

"Shouldn't you be more..."

"If you're thinking that Tsuna here will adhere to the normal boundaries to master and pet and be all submissive you are dead wrong."

This comment came from Lambo who had turned up at the last minute munching on some white floss. "And here I thought you would've noticed, but I guess you were just a baby."

Reborn, having consumed the _entire_ marshmallow, was now taller than the castle. He had a good view of the land, which made him dizzy as there were so many shifting colours.

"Should we start?" His voice rumbled to the ground causing a mini earthquake.

"Looks like its time to pull out the big guns, Roll!" Hibari snapped his fingers.

The ground once again trembled; everyone looked around in confusion as a smug smirk made its way onto Hibari's face. Then the _castle_ moved.

Reborn had the best view, watching as bits of the castle shifted around, it reminded him of those Japanese Gundams or that movie 'Transformers'. He had to right his footing on his rollerblades while everyone else down below fell to the ground as the vibrations got more violent.

When it all finally settled, the hitman heard a whistle of appreciation from his right shoulder. His student was sitting there stroking Leon, who now perched on his student's shoulder.

He would admit it was impressive. Right before him stood a hedgehog made from the purple castle with the tall spires from before sticking out of its back, otherwise known as Hibari's box weapon; Roll, Castle Edition.

Skull appeared, holding a gun and still wearing that helmet with melded bunny ears.

'Looks like its time to roll.' Thought the hitman as he got into position.

*Bang*

Roll became a ball and started to, well, roll. Only he misjudged his direction and rolled right over everybody else standing in the garden.

"Oh, no! We just gave the castle a new paint job!" I-pin exclaimed. Shouts of horror were heard as everyone got stuck to the giant Hedgehog-Castle.

Reborn ignored all this in favour of following the rabid castle. Rollerblading over everything in the way. The two were neck and neck with each other. Rolling over pandas moss monsters, Poison cooking Valley, Tsuna's electric eels (A horrified scream of 'Noooo!' was heard from Reborn's right shoulder), and all sorts of things, some stuff he recognised, like those ridiculous wood sculptures. Others, not so much.

Roll, the hedgehog-castle, collected everything he rolled over becoming bigger and bigger. Among the mess of things shouts of, "IT'S STILL TRAINING TIME!", a string of continuous 'Nufufufu/Kufufufu's and "XANROSE-SAMA!" could be heard.

The only issue with this was the fact that Roll was getting faster. Scowling, the hitman wondered what he could use to his advantage before suddenly having an epiphany. He jumped as high as he could (which is pretty high considering he's the Greatest Hitman) switching off the rollerblade function as he did so and landed on top of Roll.

There was a cacophony of noises when he did this including shouts of pain from whoever was stuck between his feet and the castle. But they went ignored as the hitman started running, controlling the direction Roll rolled in.

"There!"

The hitman glanced at the direction his student pointed at to see on open field of white, with the words 'THE END OF HIBIRLAND' printed in large black letters.

Using footwork that would make the most skilled football player jealous, he turned Roll in that direction and rolled.

As he neared he noticed a cyan rock curb (which is really a giant cliff to normal sized people) in front of the white and smirked evilly.

Leaping off Roll he landed in the white field, which he realised was grass, and turned to watch as Roll smashed head on with the curb and deflate (why the castle was full of air, we'll never know). There were only a few moans of agony left, the rainbow crocodiles, cotton candy trees, Varia flowers (plus apple) etc. all heaped up into a big pile of trash.

"Congratulations~! You won!"

He peered at the brunet. "And what do I get in return?"

"A kiss from me~! Though you might want to turn back to normal first!"

"I better be getting more than a kiss for this crazy mess." The hitman grumbled as he took out his Lambo-hair wallet (which had changed size with him). He ignored the sly chuckle from his right shoulder to dig into his wallet, noticing that he had to take the giant jar of marshmallows out before reaching the gummy Hibirds.

And so he dragged the jar out, still bigger than him, to find out it was empty but for a single burping Hibird (also giant sized with respect to Tsuna). He blinked.

*Poof*

A large shadow flew above him, the gargantuan Hibird chirped before flapping its wings, creating tornadoes, and landing on the whole of Hibirland itself. All the odd landscapes and general madness consumed by Hibird's fluffy yellow arse.

"Is this why the place is called 'Hibirland'?"

"Yes."

Reborn just sighed -really he was starting to get _used_ to this!- and downed the gummy Hibirds in one gulp -the jar was far too small for simply taking one and eating it- and waited for it to take effect.

*Poof*

He opened his eyes to realise... He was in his baby form! Again! Cursing inwardly he didn't notice a presence nearing him until he was suddenly picked up, fluffy fur brushing against his side while his cheek was being rubbed against another cheek.

"Aww~ chibi!Reborn is soo cute~!"

He would have had Leon against his student's head the instant he'd been picked up but the green traitor was sitting on his student's head, tongue flicking out at him.

Suddenly his student cooed, "Congratz~!" and placed a big wet one on his chubby cheek.

KHRKHRKHRKHR

Reborn woke to the sound of birds (normal ones), one Sun, trees with brown bark and _green_ grass. He stretched, popping a few stiff bones (glad he's not a baby anymore) before standing up, a sadistic gleam in his eye.

There were a lot of people he had to torture, he glared pointedly at Leon resting in the palm of his hand, to which the poor chameleon shuddered.

And a Tunafish to ravish.

**Fin.**

OMAKE

One toasted Marshmallow Addict, a shaved Pinapple and a stuffed Cow later and it was official.

Reborn had gone insane.

He was now approaching a trussed up, petrified Tuna, holding a pair of cat ears and lube.

The other guardians and the Varia were tied up and strung upside-down from the chandelier in the main hall along with Leon. Fearing for their Boss as screams and moans started to emit from the fourth floor, along with a sadistic cackle.

KHRKHRKHRKHR

**A/N** …What did I write? Most of the scenery and stuff are a product of my imagination (which even _I_ don't get). So I hope the last scenes made some sense.

Otherwise, Reviews are loved! I really want to see what you think of this since its my first time writing something so utterly insane. :D

Question! Did anyone notice the little details, such as the letters Goku-chan chose and 'the end of Hibirland' which literally was the _end_ of Hibirland after Hibird landed on it?


End file.
